PORTALBERITA.CO.ID - The question of whether to become a parent often leaves individuals feeling deeply ambivalent, prompting intense internal searching for a definitive answer. This column, originally published on November 3, 2024, and reprised on June 7, 2026, addresses this common dilemma within the context of value pluralism.
The author notes that many people grappling with this decision focus inward, scrutinizing their current happiness and past experiences to predict future parental fulfillment. This reliance on introspection, however, presents significant challenges for decision-making, as reported by Benjamin Thomas.
One major issue with deep self-analysis is that it can become an endless process, leaving the individual uncertain about when they have searched sufficiently. Furthermore, this inward focus tends to center the decision too heavily on the prospective parents' immediate desires and perceived costs.
Philosopher L.A. Paul highlights another critical flaw: it is nearly impossible to accurately predict the transformative experience of parenthood before actually undertaking it. As reported by Benjamin Thomas, the person making the decision may fundamentally change through the process, altering what brings them joy.
Instead of introspection, the recommended approach suggests turning one's focus outward to identify what one intrinsically values about being alive in the world. This method reframes the decision as existential rather than purely epistemic, shifting from "how to know" to "how to choose."
Existentialist thinkers, such as Jose Ortega y Gasset, argued that life requires self-making or "autofabrication," meaning individuals must actively create their own meaning rather than discovering a pre-existing answer. This framework encourages defining one's path based on established beliefs.
The author recounts a value-sorting exercise that led to identifying "delight of being, joy" as a core value, which serves as a guide for making major life decisions. This process aims to align choices with stable, fundamental aspects of one's identity.
The decision to have a child, therefore, becomes a question of whether parenthood best enacts these core, personally identified values, or if alternative paths offer a more compelling fit given individual circumstances. As reported by Benjamin Thomas, this allows for varied but equally valid outcomes, such as focusing on art or service.
Many struggling with this choice fear missing out on a unique, unparalleled experience, often manifesting as the fear of a sad, childless old age. However, societal narratives about the singular nature of parental love should be critically examined.
